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Releasing Fear

 Fear is probably the bigger hurdle I have had (and continue) to work through. As I have worked through concepts of fear is has taken many forms.

Fear of seeing somethings scary:  When you have a local celebrity for a Great-Grandmother you hear stories. She could remote view and I'm sure saw things that were hard. I never got the pleasure of meeting her earth side but this is something I'm exploring in my connecting with her spirit. This did lead to other adults in my life being thankful that I "don't have her gifts because they can be scary". To my little kid self that meant any interaction with spirits, remote viewing, etc. was images of dead people and that it was probably gruesome. These ideas were wrong on SO many levels. This fear only taught me to downplay, ignore, and stifle my gifts. By ignoring what is flowing through me I often felt misunderstood and like I had to hide parts of me. So much of this spiritual journey is rediscovering the true me. 

Fear of judgement: Not everyone believes in psychics and mediums. I have shared that I come from a very scientific background so most of my peers are science people. I have worried that if I share this very real and very personal part of me that they will think I'm "crazy" (I have thoughts about the use of this word and what happens when we use it for others). I don't want my level of professionalism and years of hard earned education to not be taken seriously by a non-believer. I have also had people tell me I would be going to hell if I keep "playing around with spirits". While I don't believe in the concept of heaven/hell it's hurtful to hear that from someone you thought loved you and would accept this part of you. For a long time I was selective about who I shared with. 

Fear of being wrong: I remember the first reading I ever did. I was in a coaching session and was put completely on the spot. My coach had me close my eyes, settle in, and read her. I had NEVER done this before, but I knew if I wanted to ever do it, I had to try. So I leaned in and shared some sensations I was getting and the words that came into my head. My coach was able to validate them for me! Eventually she set me up with a few kind folks from her group to help me practice and I have been doing readings ever since. I have shared things with clients that don't land in a moment. I have let go of this being "wrong" and maybe just not being the right timing or neither of us having clarity for what this means in the moment. 

What I have learned in releasing this fear is that so much of it is made up. I have been shown some things by spirit that are scary, but I wasn't scared. The way spirit communicates with me is subtle and is often removed enough that I don't feel scared, I just feel like a witness. It's an honor to be shown anything by spirit. As far as people and judgement goes, I have landed in a space of not caring. I know who I can talk to about my "woo-woo" side and who I can't. If people have thoughts or judgements, that's their business and not for me to worry about. If anyone is unkind to me I will course correct and decide where they fit (or don't) in my life. I'm also not worried about getting it wrong. I do sometimes. That's life and there are a million reasons why that can happen. It doesn't make me a bad reader or person. Fear has held me back for so long and I am working hard to let it go. 



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